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Help, I Think I'm Gay! Or Lesbian?!

So you're in your late 20s or 30s--maybe even 40s and you're questioning your sexuality. You've lived your entire life as a straight woman. You have straight friends. All of your activities are surrounded around men but you're not sure you're into men anymore. Mainly because you're pretty sure you're in love with your bestfriend.

Does that make you gay? Lesbian?

First things first its important to know that sexuality is fluid, especially for women. And even more later on in life. Most of the societal pressures are gone either because you've aged out of them or because you met them and now everyone's left you alone to your own devices. The fluidity of sexuality does not mean it's a choice and you can change. It means your attractions, desires and feelings are capable of shifting without your control.

You may be thinking, "have I been this way all of my life and been scared to say it?" That's not necessarily true. It may be true for some people. For example, you may have had crushes on women, friends, teachers but never entertained those thoughts because of the climate of the society at that time. Being in a committed relationship with a woman was just not an option.

So let's get back to the question, are you gay? Are you a lesbian? The fact that you have romantic feelings for another woman is an indicator that you are not straight. Sexuality is also on a spectrum. You can be 80% attracted to men and 20% attracted to women. You may fall in love with women but not want to be sexually active with those women. BTW, fantasizing about kissing a woman you love is an indicator of sexual attraction to her. :) Just in case you were wondering.

Give yourself some grace and patience. I know firsthand how life altering this realization may be and what the implications of how your life may be turned upside down by this, but if you choose to embrace who you are authentically you'll find a freedom you never knew was possible.

Check out my coming out story here.

Much love,

Coach Yeamah

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