This topic NEVER gets old. Lol
I just did a live chat on our Facebook group, “Real Women, Real Conversations,” and the response has been amazing. I shared from Dr. Creflo Dollar’s book, Winning in Troubled Times, several questions he tells you to have answers to before you say yes to marrying your mate.
I wanted to share my personal story with you. I’ve been single for about 6 years now and it has not been a quiet 6 years. :) I’ve had many false alarms; many Ishmaels have come my way. Lol Some of them I’ve willingly let in because I was bored and a couple of them where I was totally convinced that they were the ONE. I am still single, so I was wrong about all of those men, but I learned a really amazing lesson along the way and I think it’ll bless you to hear it.
I used to think the only criteria I should be looking for was for him to be a Christian. Then I realized there were a lot of Christian men, so I upgraded it to a Spirit-filled Christian, then I realized there were many of those, so I upgraded and added that they must hear God. Then I realized that just because they hear God doesn’t mean they follow Him. Then I added he must know the Word of God, then I met a man who had all of these things BUT he did not share the vision I knew was in my heart from God. Then I met someone who had all those things but guess what—I HAD NO LASTING PEACE ABOUT HIM.
This guy had everything I had prayed for. He was a godly man, a spiritual powerhouse, soo prophetic but something was just missing. I wasn’t super attracted to him—I mean he was okay but I was really attracted to his spirit. I’ve never had that before and it was really amazing. He wasn’t perfect, but I felt this supernatural pull toward him that made me think maybe it was God pulling us together, almost like this current that I couldn’t resist. We started talking about getting married and I was in agreement—even though I knew something was off I kept going. Started planning the wedding and everything. I’m talking families were involved—the WHOLE thing. But SOMETHING WAS OFF.
God had been so specific with me about my spouse, about what we would be doing and I did not see everything in this man that God had shown me. I was very honest with him. I told him my reservations and he had all these amazing spiritual answers that made me think maybe I was just being immature. Then I started to question the things God had shown me, I started to think maybe I didn’t hear him. AND THEN on top of all of that people started giving my prophetic words that he was my husband. I was so confused. Except for a close sister of mine, she was my prayer partner and we would storm the spiritual realm together on the regular—she was a prophetic prayer warrior and I had her go IN for me and she let me know that this was not it, but that God was letting me choose.
So one night I sat on the edge of my bed (all my best conversations with the Lord seem to happen on the edge of my bed lol) I cried out to the Lord. I laid everything down before Him and told Him that if this was His plan for me I would not resist Him but I needed Him to be crystal clear with me and show me. In the meantime, I shared with this man that my heart was not completely at rest in this relationship and I needed to have alone time with the Lord. I learned from previous relationships that the best way to hear from God about a relationship is to put some space between the two of you and seek the Lord separately. So we did that. He was completely convinced I was his wife so I don’t think he really sought God all that hard, BUT I DID. And you know what—it was my choice. At the end of the day God showed me if I wanted him I could have him. I could choose to be with him, OR I could wait for what He had shown me. It was my choice. I HATE WHEN GOD DOES THAT. lol I knew my destiny was at stake. It was a decision I knew would drastically change the outcome and direction of my life. I hate those kinds of choices. But at the end of the day—obviously I’m still single—I chose to wait on what GOD had shown me.
Nobody else can tell you what to do in a relationship. Again--Nobody else can tell you what to do in a relationship. It’s your choice. You HAVE to HEAR FROM GOD for YOURSELF. My relationship with God is so important to me, it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s been so amazingly good to me that I just cannot stop short of His goodness now. I have to see it all the way to the end. There’s a plan for my life—God has a plan and I want to live that plan because I’m convinced that it’s the most beautiful and perfect plan for MY life. At the end of it all—it boiled down to purpose. There’s a specific reason I was born and there is a way God has planned for me to get there—I can take detours; I can abort the mission if I choose to. But that’s not like me—I’m ALL IN!
I knew God would heal his heart concerning me and He did. It didn't happen immediately after we shifted our relationship from fiance to friend. That gentleman and I are now real friends—we developed a real closeness in that time that is beyond natural understanding. In the midst of all of this, he told me that maybe his purpose in my life was to prepare me for my husband and to speed up the time, because I needed to grow and mature in some crucial areas. I know I did the same thing for him, because he learned some real important lessons about women form me. I know his wife will thank me someday, lol. We pray for each other spouses and it’s just amazing.
So that’s my story—I have many other stories about my single journey. Maybe I’ll do a series J. Because I have the Ishmael, I have the DEFINITELY NO guy who was just too cute and fun to let go, I have the sleezy church guy who had a whole family I didn’t even know about hahaha—
You are so loved. The Lord will lead you if you tune your ear to ONLY Him.